Crackberry Users: Get a Life!

Yesterday, I attended the funeral of an old friend, the mother of one of my daughter’s closest friends. She died of a form of Mad Cow’s Disease. She had been a world traveler and took in the life and gusto and good food of all the places she visited with great enthusiasm. Whatever it was that caused it, doctors say, may have been dormant in her system for as long as 20 years. When it kicked in last spring, I went and visited her and her husband in her home, where I found her in a semi-comatose state, drool flowing from her mouth, jaw hanging open, hands tightly clenched and her body well on its way to a permanent fetal position. She suffered and lingered in that state — this vivacious lover of life — until last Sunday, when by God’s grace and mercy she finally passed on to the next frontier. When I was told the news, all I could say was “God Bless her”. I hated to see someone suffer like that.

So as you can imagine, her funeral was a somber affair. Yes, we celebrated the life we shared with Maire, but we deeply mourned the suffering she had to endure to the end. While sad that she was dead, we were all deeply grateful for the end of her suffering.

The funeral, a combined Unitarian/Episcopal service was admittedly a little long, but every element seemed to capture just perfectly the essence of Maire and the message she would want to convey to us, her surviving family and friends.

As the eulogy got underway, I heard a “beep beep beep beep” going on directly behind me. Confused, I turned around. There I saw a woman busily hacking away at her CrackBerry, no doubt feeling so indispensible to the person on the other end, that she had to CrackBerry her in the midst of an old friend’s funeral.

I gave her an annoyed look, which she ignored and continued on her way, until I heard the familiar “silent vibe” sound on another CrackBerry.

I turned around, only to see that the woman sitting next to her had HER CrackBerry out. She was reading her message and looked at the original culprit, clearly a friend or associate and nodded in recognition.

So instead of leaning over and gently whispering into her friend’s ear, CrackBerry addict number 1 found it necessary to message her friend during their friend’s funeral.

If it wouldn’t have created a scene, I swear to God I would have grabbed that CrackBerry out of her hand and slammed it into the ground with such force that it would be splattered into a zillion pieces.

So I turned back around, after another annoyed look at Culprit number 2, which again was completely ignored.

A minute later, Culprit number one proceeded to open up one of those hard candies with noisy plastic wrappers, popping it in her mouth and loudly chewing and sucking on it.

I was beyond disgust and did my best to just breathe and refocus on the eulogy, which turned out to be a good one for Maire.

So what’s with you Crackberry addicts?

Last month, I went to my son’s “Biography Day” at his school wherein each of the children, dressed in costume, made a presentation about the person whose biography they read (my son was Steve Jobs, but I digress… he did a great job cloning Job’s presentation style). While this was going on, there was a busy executive in a suit kind of a guy sitting there with attache open and CrackBerry in full swing as he messaged and emailed his way through all the presentations, right up until his little girl presented — during which he politely set his Crackberry aside, closed his attache and listened, and after which he stood up and left the room, his obligation fulfilled. No doubt his daughter was pleased that he at least showed up, though I would say he was not present, if you know what I mean.

I’ve seen guys out on dates with their beautiful wives and/or girlfriends ignoring them as they message away on their CrackBerry, oblivious to the beautiful (their appearance doesn’t matter, just the fact that they obviously spent time gussying themselves up for the occasion) woman across from them. And to be fair, I’ve seen women do the same thing, but less so.

I can’t sit in a theatre anymore without seeing teenagers busily messaging their friends, wherever they may be, throughout the movie, and then having to ask their friend next to them — in a loud voice — what they missed.

What the f*ck has happened to us? Can’t we shut off our CrackBerrys and cell phones for a short while and be present while we’re attending special occasions in our life? Do we feel that inadequate that we have to be indispensable to whomever may be on the other end?

I almost got a CrackBerry once because I thought it had a cool feature set (and it definitely does), but seeing what I do on a daily basis with CrackBerry addiction, I decided not to join the brainless drones who throw courtesy and civility out the window in order to enslave themselves to this evil little device.

OK, that feels better. I’ve got it off my chest.

Have a great weekend, folks… and if you’re a CrackBerry addict, take a break and enjoy the life around you.